After posting yesterdays entry, I joined my mother for a walk on a country road. The weather was mild enough and I needed to work out some frustration. I've been either crying or being so angry with myself for not taking better care of my health. Walking seemed to be the natural solution. I can walk and talk.
The walk begins in the parking lot of a church, then we make out way along a very busy road for a short bit, then finally turning onto a quiet, picturesque dirt road. We talked about how I need to plan my meals, what my routine will be. When I talk of how I want to see my son grow up and have kids of his own, it instantly brings me to tears. I'm so scared but then I feel determined to beat this. I am angry at myself for taking my health for granted. People are diagnosed with Cancer and other life threatening diseases for no reason at all. They didn't ask for their diseases. They have to battle to stay alive. I've had warning after warning and I would continuously slip back into poor eating habits. I know that I will have to "get over it" and stop wallowing but it's still new so I'm going to wallow.
We walked until we came to our halfway point. A large steel bridge. The river was half frozen and the stillness of nature around us was nice. The sun broke out and we spotted a crane flying overhead. I think of my papa. I've felt him with me throughout the last few days.
We walked and talked as we made our way back toward the car. My legs were starting to hurt, my lower back was aching, I felt tired and I complained the last half mile or so. It then occurred to me that I accomplished something I haven't done in a while. I walked a decent distance. I am grateful that I have feet to walk on. They were sore but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. I made it to my car, however, I felt a sense of pride that I walked three miles. I did it without becoming out of breath. I didn't have to stop too many times to rest either.
It's those baby steps I am taking. The little victories that will keep me focused on my goal of good health.
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